I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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