I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
