you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
