sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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