Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
