you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
