Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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