Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
