I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
