Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
