made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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