In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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