I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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