I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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