Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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