yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
