i wish there were pregnant emoticons
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
