He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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