someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize