laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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