Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
