I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
