He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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