there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
After last night, I could never be a politician.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
