Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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