Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize