Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
