so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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