Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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