Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
