My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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