I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
