his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize