I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
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I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
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Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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