She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I would ride that face into the sunset
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
