i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
