He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
