someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize