What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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