tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
