kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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