dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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