genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
