im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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