Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
