Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
