His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
