he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
