somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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