And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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