South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
What drink are we having for lunch?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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