Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
