Who wears a wallet chain?!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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