every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
