for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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