I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
