Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
its liver damage thursday
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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