Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
