Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
