The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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