hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
