she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
