she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
