Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
