Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
