he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
True strength comes from lack of pants
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
